I used to view myself as wishy-washy—a woman who couldn’t come to concrete resolutions. I thought my issue was a mental imbalance or lack of confidence, worrying if I took a stance, I’d have to stand up for myself, arguing my perspective. What if I failed? Living submissively, I despised confrontation. Regardless of whether it’s a healthy debate, I’d avoid it at all costs.
Then I met a writer on Medium, who showed me I had the mind of a philosopher. Suddenly, what I judged as a deficit, I embraced. I love how my mind can take a notion, turn it inside out, and flip it from side to side, trying to find the answer, even if there isn’t one. And that’s comforting to know that we all have our truths that anyone can poke holes through. In fact, actual truths may not exist. Maybe personal realities exist only in our minds.
When deciding on a major in University, I chose psychology. I was interested in analyzing how others thought, secretly trying to pinpoint what makes me who I am. I learned I could drive myself loopy trying to understand human behaviour. Despite examining the human psyche at school for three years, I knew less about myself. Slipping down an emotional pit into depression was experiencing the intricacies of the mind firsthand.
I wonder, if I had majored in philosophy, who would I have become? Would I have mastered a great philosophical conundrum or mentally ended up in the same downhill spiral? Did the study of me, myself, and I become the catalyst for my downfall? I may never know the answer, but it’s a curious thought.
I’m not interested in defining life’s meaning or my place in it. I’m more interested in determining if fiction is more real than facts, or if we were born to different parents, would we still be who we intrinsically are?
Have you ever wondered the same? If so, you, too, could be a philosopher analyzing both sides of the same coin.
No wonder I have difficulty making definitive decisions. While many only take things at face value, I love to dig deeper. Do you believe some things don’t have an answer, or is that a cop-out? I may spend the rest of my life answering that question.
I may have finally found my true calling, but I’m wishy-washy, so I don’t really know.
If you’re interested in reading some of my philosophical articles in response to Ruby Noir, a Medium author’s prompts, you can find them here.
If you think you’re perfect, that’s your first imperfection.
How well do you know yourself?
Has this past month flown by as fast for you as it has for me?
I’m happy to share these days of sunshine and glorious breezes with you. Thank you for following my thoughts.
See you in July, if not before.
Apt title for this intriguing journey of introspection. I can relate--I torment myself whilst contemplating mutually exclusive "truths."
Great article, Karen! You already know I love your philosophy articles on Medium. I love following your thought process to the end and being provoked to think on the conundrum myself! All the best in your philosophical journey.